Idiomatic Puns (thanks s-i-l)

IDIOMATIC PUNS
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
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A backward poet writes inverse.
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A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
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Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
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Practise safe eating - always use condiments.
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Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
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A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
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A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
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When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
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A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
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What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
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She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
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A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
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If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
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With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
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When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
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The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
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He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
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Every calendar's days are numbered.
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A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
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A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
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Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
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Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
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Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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Acupuncture is a jab well done.